My Version of Hell

Yep. I was there today. I know you’re wondering, what is Rebecca’s version of hell? It’s this place.

Gattitown. How do I loath thee? Let me count the ways…

We attended a birthday party there today, all 4 of my children were invited and Ernie is working on a Saturday (again) so I was forced to brave the party by myself. Let me paint you a mental picture.

• 8 children with sword shaped balloons- hopped up on Coke and group hysteria- being egged on by the Gattitown person assigned to our room to have a “sword fight” in a 10’x20’ space that already contained a long table, 20 chairs, 7 adults, and 3 bored teenagers. It’s a wonder the place didn’t fall down on top of us.
• The birthday boy insisting on the Star Wars Soundtrack cd blaring at full volume. That particular cd played with so much static you couldn’t even tell what the music was supposed to sound like, and birthday boy refused to change to the Jonas Brothers or Justin Beiber (or any other cd that didn’t have static) because it sounded “just fine” to him. The static. It was horrible.
• The party game- again in this small space with way too many people- organized by the Gattitown attendant that was a relay where each child had to run 5 ft, use a hula-hoop, and then finish by placing a balloon on a chair and popping the balloon by sitting on it. I thought my ears would never stop ringing from the noise of all the balloons popping and kids shrieking in such a small space.
• The bright blue icing on the Sponge Bob cake. I think that Max’s mouth might be permanently dyed blue. I’m praying that all that blue dye comes out of his clothes too.
• The Gattitown Midway. I think this place is the exact opposite of The Happiest Place on Earth. It’s one of those places that spits out tickets from every game you play and is nothing but an arcade. I hate arcades. I really hate the noise and the flashing lights.
• Emmaline crying hysterically at the end because Nigel got 182 tickets by strategically using his $7 card and Ernie got 138 tickets with his $7 card, while Emmaline only managed to get 10 tickets using her $7 card. Emmaline thought it was grossly unfair and cried even harder when I told her that if she didn’t stop crying I’d never take her to Gattitown ever again. That made her sob, “But I love Gattitown! *sob, sob*”. Hmmm. It’s like my kids have Stockholm Syndrome. Gattitown makes them miserable, and yet they still beg me to take them there.

It was over in 2 hours, but I left feeling quite miserable and completely worn out. It’s going to be a long time before I go back there and I will never go back again without Ernie.