Some More Marriage Thoughts

Ernie suggested recently that we write out a list of the qualities we deemed essential in a potential spouse. He thought that it would be a good way to evaluate how we’re doing with meeting each others needs. So we both sat down and envisioned ourselves as single and seeking a potential mate. What would we look for? Which qualities and traits mattered most to us? I will be honest, this exercise frightened me a little. I mean, quite truthfully I was worried that I might not measure up to his list. Because Ernie and I have been together for 15 years now and we’ve both changed a lot. What if he’d become dissatisfied with me and our life together and I hadn’t recognized his dissatisfaction?

We wrote our lists and no, we did not meet every single quality on each other’s lists. But we were really, really close. In the essentials, I was reassured. It was a good reminder to not become complacent. Just because Ernie and I are happy now, it doesn’t mean that we will be in 5 years. We can’t just put our marriage on auto-pilot and hope that things stay the same (because they surely won’t). The lists also refocused our relationship a little bit. There were some things on Ernie’s list that I do now, but that I could certainly improve on and do better.

Ernie said it well last night, as we talked about a different topic entirely, that any relationship of significance (friends, family, spouse, children) requires from us a certain level of self-sacrifice. It makes us better people to put others first instead of only thinking of ourselves.

So at this point I’ll just say thanks for listening to my musings on this subject. Being married to Ernie makes me happy and I’d like to do everything I can to make sure that never changes.