Dear teenager, spit out your gum.

Tonight Ernie and I sat through a painfully long awards ceremony for the 2010 Graduating Class of Sumrall High School in Sumrall, Mississippi. Ernie was there to present the daughter of one of his employees with a well deserved and hard earned college scholarship. Congratulations to Whitney and her family! But for the rest of the time, we sat through a lot of other students being recognized by other companies, organizations, and colleges. As they walked across the stage one by one, I really did start to think that it was never going to end. Like an actual high school graduation when you are just dying for the kids with last names starting with “W” to start getting recognized. Since we were in the front row, I had a lot of time to ponder the students that were walking across the stage. I wanted to give those kids some words of advice, but since I can’t tell them. I’ll tell you instead.

1. STAND UP STRAIGHT. Slouching doesn’t do you any favors. Good posture is indicative of self-confidence and it just plain looks nice.
2. Don’t chew gum. It’s unattractive and nobody wants to see you chomping like a horse. Even more importantly, it detracts from the really great reason that you’re being honored up on stage.
   
3. Don’t walk across the stage with a can of dip in your back pocket and a wad in your mouth. You may be 18, but chewing tobacco is a nasty habit and has no place in a graduation celebration.
   
4. Guys: Tuck in your shirts. It’s not that hard and it looks so much nicer. Also, wear a belt. And khakis or dress pants. Jeans are always to casual for this sort of thing.
   
5. Girls: Dresses that come to the middle of your thigh will come dangerously close to giving people a peek at your underwear when you are elevated above the front few rows as you walk across the stage. Also, showing cleavage is tacky and in an ill-fitting dress it just plain looks bad. If you’re debating between classy and sexy- always go for classy.
   
6. Everyone appreciates a good firm handshake.
   
7. Please appreciatively clap for every student whose name is called, not just the popular kids.
   

I can promise you this. When my kids are old enough to participate in events like tonight, they will absolutely be dressed appropriately, with good posture, and a firm handshake. (No dipping and no gum chewing are a given.)