Grumpy Mom

I’m grumpy today.

I’ve said “For Pete’s Sake” more times than I can count.

I am tired of listening to Nigel and Emmaline fight.

I think I need a vacation.

Or a housekeeper.

Quick Post

Ernie dedicated a blog post to my "Low Blood Sugar" induced behavior yesterday on our drive. It made me laugh this morning. It would not have made me laugh last night.

http://www.amongstamericana.blogspot.com/2010/01/in-case-of-emergency-find-nearest-drive.html

Let’s run away

When I was in high school and I was feeling stressed out, I would play a make believe game with my best friend. We would plan weekend trips to exotic places and pretend that we would be leaving the next day. It was actually pretty effective as a stress reliever and it complimented my desire to travel. I’ve continued this game, in a modified form, now that I’m married. Only now I don’t care where we go! Whenever I feel like things are starting to get hairy- I like to ask Ernie if he just wants to run away with me.

This weekend we actually are going to “run away”! Bradley, my youngest brother, is preparing to enter the MTC and is going through the temple this Saturday. So Ernie and I are meeting my family at the temple in Birmingham, Alabama tomorrow (because the Atlanta temple is closed for 18-24 months due to extensive renovations). Since it’s 4 hours away for us, Ernie and I are leaving this afternoon and spending the night. The kids will stay here in Hattiesburg with a young couple and Ernie and I will get to be by ourselves.

I like traveling with Ernie, even though this is a super short, close-by trip. Ernie has spent most of his adult life traveling all over the world and together we’ve been to Italy, Mexico, the Bahamas, and Canada (does Canada even count?). We’ve been lots of places in the US (Puerto Rico was definitely the best), but at this point I don’t care where we’re going anymore just as long as we’re together.

Here’s what I’m looking forward to:

• Driving in a quiet car
• Uninterrupted conversations
• Not having to stop to use the bathroom every 90 minutes
• Flexibility
• Sleeping in tomorrow morning
• Enjoying a session at the temple with people that I love

I think it’s going to be a great trip!

Start your engines!

Tonight was the Pinewood Derby. I have a love/hate relationship with this annual cub scout event.

Love

• I love seeing all the totally awesome cars! The creativity always makes me smile.
• I love that Big Ernie does this with Little Ernie, it’s definitely a bonding thing for them.
• I love that it happens only once a year.

Hate

• I really hate that Little Ernie hates not being the best. Oh the stress and the anxiety spent over this event.
• I hate how long it takes. (I know this is silly, but running all the cars in all the heats takes way too long for my short attention span).
• I hate how loud it is. That many adults with that many Cub Scouts, plus all the bored siblings makes for a very loud cultural hall.
• I hate not knowing where my kids are at all times. Maybe this is paranoia on my part, but I get really stressed when I don’t have a visual on all 4 of my kids and activities like this pretty much guarantee that I will be constantly scanning, walking the halls, and not relaxing. 

In the end Little Ernie (and his dad) finished 10th out of 27 cars, which I think is great. Little Ernie was upset at first but after about 20 minutes decided that 10th place was pretty cool after all.

So here are the pictures…

Little Ernie’s car is the solid black car in the middle!

She did it!

Emmaline came home from school today and decided, as usual, to go play outside by herself. She does this a lot and I think it’s because she needs to decompress from school. So today she ran outside to play and about 30 minutes later she came in and told me that she had taught herself to ride her bike! Ernie took her training wheels off weeks ago because he thought she was ready to ride her bike, but at the time she didn’t think she was ready. So I followed her outside and she showed me! I’m so proud of her!

  

Here’s some randomness from today…

…a conversation with my most absent-minded child

Me: Nigel did you want ketchup on your hot dog?

Nigel: No mom, I already told you I don’t want ketchup.

Me: Sorry, I forgot.

Nigel: Don’t worry mom, that happens to me a lot too.

Kitchen Art

Nigel’s Warrior Cry: a story in pictures

 

And last but not least…

Me and Max. Who needs a shower or make-up? Max will love me all the same!

Brownie Points

My Ernie likes to accumulate brownie points. He is constantly saying things like

“Did you see that I loaded the dishwasher? Can I get some brownie points for that?”

or

“Did you have fun on your girl’s night? I put all the kids to bed, can I get some brownie points for that?”

I keep asking him what are all these mythical brownie points for? Is he saving them for something? Am I supposed to owe him something? Because at this point in our marriage, he’s banked a lot of them.

We’ve never discussed any potential value to any specific chore or favor, so at this point I have no idea how many brownie points Ernie is supposed to have. All I know is that he likes to keep asking for them.

So I was thinking about our brownie point system today and wondering if I should start assigning some value to them and hand him tickets like at Chuck E. Cheese so that he can save up for the bike hanging on the wall that costs 495,000 tickets. But then I realized something this afternoon- every time Ernie asks me if he can get some brownie points, I always say “yes, of course!” and then I smile and kiss him. Really, I think he’s just in it for the smiles and the kisses.

Well Rested

Ok, I realize that this blog post might seem silly, but I’m going to blog about it anyways.

This weekend I got a lot of rest. Yesterday I fell asleep at 3:45pm and woke up at 5:45pm and I had absolutely no problem going back to bed last night at 9pm.

No surprise here, but I woke up feeling great this morning.

Here’s what I did today:

• lots of laundry (my least favorite chore)
• sat for an hour at the urgent care clinic with 3 kids
• got 2 positive strep tests (that would be Ernie and Nigel)
• had the doctor tell me that both the boys will have to be out of school for 3 days (3 DAYS?!?)
• had to go back to the pharmacy twice to get the antibiotics, because when I went to pick up at the time they gave me, it still wasn’t ready.

And here’s what Ernie said when he walked in the door tonight, “Wow, you look happy, you must have had a great day!”

He’s right, I was still happy and relaxed tonight despite having a day full of all the things that normally put me over the edge. Wow- so sleep really does make a difference! 

It’s hard to be 2

Max didn’t make it through sacrament meeting today. Not even close. And I started out thinking that we were going to have such a good day today.

1. We were on time.
2. During the opening song (which was my favorite hymn of all time: Redeemer of Israel) Max looked up at me, smiled, and touched my cheek and said, “Mommy special!” It was beyond sweet!

Then everything devolved. Max didn’t throw a temper tantrum exactly, he just simply wanted to be moving and he was bored. It didn’t help that Adam (a little boy who is also in the nursery) was sitting directly behind Max and Max kept looking at him and shouting, “NO, MY PENCIL” or “NO, MY CAR”. Even though Adam wasn’t making any attempt to take those things away from Max. So we made it to half-way through the passing of the sacrament and I had to take him out. I spent the rest of sacrament meeting in the primary room and the nursery and missed all the talks.

When I was a younger mom, days like today would really bother me. I would come home from church and feel defeated. Now, I’m just grateful to be where I’m supposed to be and thankful that my husband and children are with me- even if I can’t participate in the meeting. Plus- Relief Society always more than makes up for any loss that comes from missing the talks in sacrament meeting. And truly, the thing that resonated the most with me today was Max looking at me affectionately and saying, “Mommy special”. Moments like that make everything worth it! 

Saturday

A miracle happened this morning. I didn’t get out of bed until 10am!! I woke up on my own at 7am but just didn’t feel like getting out of bed. So I stayed in bed and chatted with Ernie and snuggled with each of the kids as they came in and out, and I even spent some time on my laptop. It was lovely.

Here’s me feeling rested and happy!

The weather was amazing today and the kids were outside all day, and boy were they filthy tonight!

Emmaline and Max played while the two older boys helped Ernie.

 

Ernie chopped wood so that we could enjoy a nice fire tonight!

Inspiration

To respect the privacy of my child, I will just say this:

Today I needed help with a problem. A problem with knowing how to help one of my kids.

And would you believe it? This morning I prayed about it, discussed it with Ernie, and then just went on with my day. While I was running errands I remembered that I needed to call my friend Kim to ask about something else entirely, but at the end of our brief conversation, felt compelled to blurt out this question:

“Kim, have you ever had a child that suffered with _______?”

Now Kim is my visiting teacher, but since I have only lived here for 7 months, we are still getting to know each other and her response overwhelmed me. She said, quite emphatically, “YES.”

And instead of turning left at the intersection I was sitting at- on my way to the Comcast office- I turned right and went to Kim’s house and spent a portion of my morning, talking, sharing, and learning.

Do you want to know something? I am in the Relief Society Presidency and I was there when we arranged all the visiting teaching routes and I had no idea at the time that I was being inspired to agree to assign Kim to myself. But Heavenly Father knew that I was going to need her.

So I think that there are two lessons in this for me. 1) Heavenly Father knows us all personally and puts people and resources in our path to help us. And 2) I need to focus in a little bit more on the quiet promptings of the Spirit. The loud promptings are easy to heed, but I think that growing up means fine-tuning my ability to listen to the quiet whisperings of the still small voice too.  

“Hey Honey…”

Back in March 2009, Ernie came home from work and said, “Hey honey, I got a call from a recruiter today about a job in Hattiesburg, Mississippi.” And I tried not to get my hopes up, because that sounded just about perfect to me. So Ernie had the first phone interview, and then another, and then a face to face interview and then a face to face with the company psychologist and then finally a job offer and it felt like the right thing for our family. So we got down here in June and I was so excited for a number of reasons, but one of the big reasons was that Hattiesburg is 3 hours from Pensacola, Florida! We lived in Pensacola when I was in high school and I love the weather in North Florida. After 7 years of shoveling snow I have developed an extreme aversion to being constantly cold for months at a time and Hattiesburg is slightly north of, but pretty much due west from Pensacola, so I knew that the weather was going to be great.

So today was January weather that I remember from life in Pensacola- 78 degrees and sunny! Here’s the kids when the boys got off the bus (Emmaline stayed home today because she had her eyes dilated this morning).

And here’s a pic from earlier in the day with Emmaline and Max (Emmaline is wearing the sunglasses that she picked out at the ophthalmologist’s office).

So do I miss heavy coats and snow boots? I think you know the answer to that!

Lessons Learned

Ernie will be here in less than 2 hours. Woo-hoo! I promise, I am not normally such a mess when Ernie’s gone. Usually I am all over it, but every once in awhile I don’t do so great- apparently this was one of those times. But despite my somewhat fragile mental state, I have picked up some good lessons.

1. After their night time shower, put the kids to bed in clean school clothes. Seriously. This one was pure genius. Especially since my kids have to be on the bus at 6:40am and they really don’t like getting up in the morning. Some mornings I have to physically dress Nigel like he is still a toddler and don’t get me started on the plague of no socks. Getting dressed for school before going to bed solves a whole host of problems.
2. Never, ever, try to force a window closed on your mini-van. Yep, I shattered the passenger side quarter window with my bare hands and I have the cuts on my hands and wrists to prove it. Thank goodness no one got glass in their eyes!
3. Forget trying to serve kids all the food groups. Cook only what they will eat. We still ate dinner together at the table and read scriptures and did all our normal stuff, I just avoided the waste of perfectly good vegetables and the inevitable “No Thank You Bite” fight. Pick your battles, people, pick your battles.
4. It’s always best to find something to laugh about. I am reminded of my favorite quote from Sister Hinckley: “You either have to laugh or cry. I prefer to laugh. Crying gives me a headache.”

So Ernie will be here soon and I’m going to store this information for the next time he goes out of town. Which I really hope is not anytime soon. 

Various and Sundry Thoughts

It’s been a long day. Early morning, busy errands, and a Relief Society meeting that I was in charge of tonight. Today has turned out to be a day for some reflection. Here’s some of what I’ve been pondering today.

• Per Amy: “Just because I’m happy doesn’t mean I don’t have any problems”. I agree 100%. Happiness is a choice and I love that I can make that choice. I think it’s empowering to choose to take control of your emotions, even when you can’t control the circumstances.
• You never know what is going on in other people’s houses. It does not matter how perfect (or how imperfect) someone appears, there is always something going on.
• Per Kitty (who lives in China and has a housekeeper named Ying): “Ying says that it doesn’t matter where people are from or what kind of house they  live in, people everywhere are all just the same”. So, so true. I wish I lived in China so that Ying could be my friend too.
• I used to think that blogging was silly, just like I used to think that Facebook was silly. Boy was I wrong! I’ve decided that Heavenly Father must be pleased with this type of technology because it makes me feel more connected to my family. It’s kept me in touch with family members who are divided from me by oceans and continents and it’s helped me to develop relationships with family members that I never would have known any other way. And truly that’s the whole point of everything, isn’t it. Families. How amazing is that!
• A huge part of spiritual growth is being able to refrain from judging others.
• When it comes to Ernie, I want to follow the Platinum Rule: Treat your spouse the way they (not you) want to be treated.
• Tonight I heard this definition of love, and I think it’s my new favorite: Love exists when the satisfaction or the security of the other person becomes as significant to you as your own satisfaction or security. 

Lots to think about. Ernie comes home tomorrow and I need him- let’s see if I can make it until he gets in at 8:15 tomorrow night! 

A Fitting Punishment

Due to a long night with several interruptions (Max waking up crying, the cat and dog wanting to go out, the dog wanting to come back in, Nigel crawling into bed with me), I woke up feeling slightly less than refreshed. I actually didn’t even get to wake up on my own (something that is very important to me when the kids aren’t in school). Emmaline woke me up by walking into my room and telling me to wake up and fix (mend) her dress. She was talking about a Christmas dress that was on clearance, is two sizes too big, and was purchased by Grandma to hang in the closet until next year. She tried it on, tore something, and wanted me to get up and fix it right then and she got angry when I told her it could wait and that I was sleeping. She got mad and pushy and didn’t leave until I finally told her that if she didn’t leave me alone, I wouldn’t fix her dress at all! Unfortunately the damage was done at that point and I was very unwillingly awake.

Fast forward to this afternoon. After a trying trip to Hobby Lobby with 4 kids (WHY all the tempting displays of breakable items in the middle of every aisle?) to purchase materials for Ernie’s science project, I informed the kids that I needed a nap. I told them that while Max was down for his nap, I wanted them to quietly watch a movie and I was going to nap also. I stressed to them that I was cranky, tired and wouldn’t they like it so much better if I was in a better mood? They all agreed. So I laid down and within 25 minutes, just as I was drifting off, the screaming started. Let me just say, I was not happy. So I got up, dealt with the bloody nose that Ernie had given Nigel, and sent all 3 of them outside, told them not to even try to come back in the house for at least an hour, and then locked all the doors (which felt surprisingly satisfying). So I’m awake, again- and still feeling cranky. They think their punishment is harsh (because now all they want is to sit quietly and watch a movie) but I’ve decided that I like this punishment. It’s 68 degrees outside and sunny. We live on a cul-d-sac and there are bikes to ride, neighbors to play with, and woods to explore- I think they’ll survive.

Here’s hoping for an early bedtime tonight and THANK GOODNESS everyone will be back in school tomorrow!

Wisconsin in the Winter

Ernie’s in Wisconsin for next 4 days so that means

• I can watch HGTV and the Food Network as much as I want!
• The kids and I can eat “Lady and the Tramp Food” (vermicelli and red sauce out of the jar) and not worry since Ernie doesn’t like that.
• I can sleep in the middle of the bed. 

But it also means that

• I will be lonely without him.
• The kids and I will talk about how much we wish Daddy was here with us.
• I will worry until he gets home.
• Nothing will be quite right until he’s back with us.

On the plus side- Hattiesburg will have highs in the upper 60s this week and Kohler, Wisconsin will have highs in the upper teens and honey, you know how I feel about that!

Quality Time

Quality Time. My favorite! I got two kinds today.

First, I got to spend 3 hours with Ernie, alone, running errands! Not so romantic on the surface, I know. But no kids and time to talk- always a way to my heart. We ran various and sundry errands and I came home tired but happy.

Second, after dinner we popped popcorn and sat in the living room as a family and watched “Up”. Ernie’s seen it already and he told me it’d make me cry. It did. But how fun to spend the evening with the kids. It’s only been the last couple of years that the kids have been able to sit still and sit through a movie and tonight it was great!

It’s days like today that remind me that the things that make me the happiest aren’t the things that cost money. Go Smith Team :)

Do-Over

Yea! My internet is back, my migraine has been downgraded to a headache, so I thought I’d give posting another try today. Because I have something to say.

Tonight Ernie and I had a lot of boys running around our house and Ernie was helping these young boys draw their designs for their Pinewood Derby cars and then he worked on cutting the cars out for them on his woodworking equipment. After everyone left, I went to go find Ernie and he was already in his pjs and in bed reading (which is understandable given his incredibly long and stressful week) but it made me mad. Mad because I was tired too and the kids still needed to go to bed and we still had to read scriptures and all anyone had for dinner was peach cobbler and hot chocolate. [I know, I am a really bad mom- the nutrition police are going to come after me] and Ernie in his pjs was a signal to me that he was opting out for the evening. So I pulled the martyr card and painfully took care of everything myself, got all the kids to sleep, and then went back to talk with (confront) Ernie. In the course of our talking it out, I admitted that I should have been more articulate about my expectations for him, which is completely fair, and I was also able to articulate to Ernie what I was really upset about.

• I’m tired too. Ernie’s long week at work meant that it was a really long week for me at home.
• My feet and legs are aching. And I had a migraine today.
• Even though I may not leave the house all day (most days I do), my days are really exhausting. For example, Max is sneaky and he loves to play in the toilet- regardless of whether or not it’s been flushed, and let me tell you- I’ve cleaned up some unpleasant messes.
• I HATE cleaning. I do it because someone has to and I’m at home and we can’t afford a housekeeper so it might as well be me, but for crying out loud- I feel almost angry some days when I’m loading the dishwasher. Again. Or cleaning up spilled _fill in the blank_ again. Cleaning does not energize me the way it does for some people, it just feels like drudgery to me.
• I hate being alone. Rather, I hate not being with Ernie. And I know that while he will be home tomorrow, he will be leaving Sunday morning (leaving me to handle church alone with 4 kids) and won’t be back until late Wednesday night and that feels really overwhelming to me right now.

Ernie’s comment was that he didn’t want to have the “Who Does More” fight tonight, so he wanted us to clearly communicate our issues so that we could put the hurt feelings to bed and move on. So we talked it out. Rather quickly, actually and it’s done. In the early years that fight might have taken hours to get over, so yea for progress. I just wish these things never came up to begin with.

One of Those Days

I have a migraine today. We haven't had internet for 22 hours now and AT&T says it won't be restored until 10pm tonight. I have 4 cub scouts coming to the house tonight to make Pinewood Derby cars. Today is one of those days!

The Other Blog

So I will only refer to her this one time, but I am cheating on myself with another blog. Her name is

http://sugarbeankitchen.blogspot.com/

I’ve been meaning to document my cooking for awhile, so I took a little time today, set it up, and here it is. I hope to post recipes, etc. a couple of times a week on this blog site. If anyone has some good recipes or handy helpful tips- take a look at my other blog and please share! And stop thinking to yourself that I’m too ambitious to keep up with two blogs.

Self-Cut Bangs

No, not my self-cut bangs. Emmaline’s. Back in the Spring, to my complete horror  Emmaline cut a chunk of hair off the side of her head. It was technically in the front, but far enough to the side that it forced Emmaline into the Velma haircut. As in Little Ernie’s comment: “Hey Emmaline, you look just like Velma from Scooby Doo!”

Emmaline before

Emmaline after

So thankfully Emmaline hated her bangs and has insisted all these months that she wanted her “old hair” back. Hence my dismay when she came home from school today sporting a small section in the front that was noticeably shorter than her currently growing bangs (which are now almost to her chin).

This was Emmaline getting mad that I noticed her hair.

Now she’s decided that it’s ok for me to take her picture

Ok- so a tiara makes everything better!

And then to pose in her tiara with the kitten that she personally decorated with marker? Priceless.

Emmaline has NO IDEA who cut her hair. According to her, nobody she knows even has scissors! Also, don’t you know that she only wants her old hair back? So somehow, mysteriously, a chunk of hair that falls right between her eyes just disappeared at some point during the day.

In addition to magically disappearing hair, Emmaline has been a little focused on one subject lately. After reading her comments from the last 4 days, can you figure it out?

 

Sunday: (while looking at some of the pictures from the reception we took her to last week)

Me: Look honey, here’s Hannah and her bridesmaids.

Emmaline: Mom, did you forget?? I WAS one of her bridesmaids!

Monday: (while walking around Wal-Mart)

Emmaline: Mom, remember Cade’s sister?

Me: Yes, that would be Hannah.

Emmaline: So when is she going to have babies and how many is she going to have?

Tuesday: (while Emmaline was saying Family Prayer before bed)

Emmaline: Heavenly Father, please help us all to find nice husbands. (which is really funny considering that she is the only person in our family that will ever need to worry about finding a husband)

Today: (while rolling around on the couch, trying to distract me from her bangs)

Emmaline: Mom, you and Daddy could go to a restaurant and kiss if nobody is there!! Cause you could have privacy at a restaurant.”

Me: Who told you that?

Emmaline: Nobody! Everybody already knows that!

Dinnertime

Ernie is working late every night this week. Argh. I’m super struggling with getting motivated to cook dinner. The kids are tricky, because apparently everything I feed them is poisoned. I know this because they make horrible faces while they’re eating and say things to each other like:

“Take a spoonful of the chili and then a big drink of water. That’s the only way to get it down!”

I mean, really. I keep telling them that I don’t cook gross food. People ask me for my chili recipe, for crying out loud.

The rule at our house is that you have to take a No Thank You Bite of everything on your plate. Every time I serve it. So, even if you’ve already tried it and decided you didn’t like it- guess what? You get to try it again!  My favorite is Nigel, who is by far the pickiest.

Nigel: Mom, that looks like I won’t like it.

Me: *sigh*

When they were little, they used to ask me if the food in front of them was food that they liked. The answer to that was always yes. Nigel caught on to that one pretty quickly.

Nigel: Mom, you always say that I like it, and I never do!

Thus my current dilemma. Dinner isn’t a problem when Ernie’s home to eat with us, but when he’s not- it’s hard to cook when I’m already tired and I know the kids are going to fight with me. Last night we had cold cereal and everyone was happy. On the plus side, I still read scriptures at the dinner table while the kids ate their Honey Nut Cherrios. I will count that as a small victory.

My Kids are AWESOME!

Just a few random thoughts from today, which has been a good day. Always nice when that happens :)

Max has figured out my Android phone in record time. I can hardly answer incoming calls yet, what with all the finger sliding and stuff. I thought for sure it’d be baby proof- but no, apparently it’s only Rebecca proof. Max can seriously run his finger down the screen like a pro, look at pictures, surf the internet, and (if I’m not watching closely) edit my contact list. All at the ripe old age of 2!

Emmaline. Sweet girl that she is, she ran all the way to the bus stop this morning and didn’t fall! (This is a record for her, as she usually trips any time she tries to run and she is often running to catch the bus). She’s not clumsy, she just refuses to wear anything but Crocs.

Nigel got yelled at this morning. By me. For the age old offense of forgetting his coat. He actually has 2 coats, thanks to this habit of his. One got left at school over the weekend and the other one (his back-up coat) he had left in the van. I discovered all this 3 minutes before he was supposed to catch the bus and Big Ernie (it feels so weird to type that, but really, how else am I to distinguish between the two?) had taken the van (and the coat along with it) to seminary. So, I yelled at Nigel. Nigel was awesome today because he accepted the guilt-driven heart shaped note I put in his lunch and he forgave me. Thank you Nigel.

Little Ernie was spot on today. He was on time for the bus this morning (found his own shoes and everything), did his homework this afternoon without complaint, and even traipsed through Wal-Mart tonight and kept his mouth shut about how miserable he was. He even kept Max entertained! Love that kid!

So, I have awesome kids. What else can I say, but that I love them?

   

Counting Sheep

Why is it that kids never want to go to bed? Isn't bedtime one of the best things about the day? Why don't they crave uninterrupted sleep? Because I crave it. A lot. Some days I feel like I've been tired for 10 years. Oh wait, I HAVE been tired for 10 years.

So tonight was bedtime as usual, fraught with the usual drama. Except that Max hasn't been feeling well. Max usually goes to bed without a fuss, but tonight Ernie and I have both been upstairs twice to comfort him because he's been crying so pitifully at his door:

"MOOOOOMMMM...sob, sob, sob.... DAAAAADDDDD...sob, sob, sob."

You get the idea. So Ernie and I have turned into big softies and now he is down here with us, happy as a clam and crawling all over Ernie while Ernie catches up on e-mail from work. I think that Max is starting to feel a little bit proud of himself for finagling this bedtime reprieve because he's confident enough to shout, "Go Bed!" each time he thinks one of the other kids is up and about.

I think that's the reason that the youngest children get a little bit spoiled. Their parents are just too tired to put up a fight.

A Cabin in the Woods

I think it might be possible that I'm coming down with strep. At the very least I haven't felt very good today, so all my grand plans for today went down the drain and I've spent a good part of today in my favorite chair. It's really a chaise, it's covered in a cloth suede fabric and I recently replaced the seat cushion so it's super comfortable.

I spent some time today on my laptop surfing the internet for land in Georgia where I can build my cabin. The cabin is something that has recently become a fixation of mine. After moving to Hattiesburg, I realized that my kids are growing up way too fast and I feel completely inadequate when I think about the future. I worry about all the choices that my kids are going to have to make, at such a young age too, and I want to protect them and I want to help them be strong. So I've prayed about this and I feel like my answer has been for us to build a cabin (it's sounds a little crazy, I know). I want my cabin to be a place where we go as a family and create memories. It doesn't have to be anything fancy, just a place where we can be together. My plan is for Ernie and I to buy the land first, then build a cabin on it and have it vacation ready within 5 years. Thinking about the possibilites makes me really excited!

Here is a picture of a cabin that I saw today that I really liked:


For those that are interested, here are the floor plans for this one:

Self-Edits

In talking to my mom this afternoon, my blog came up in conversation. I told her that part of my problem in the past with journaling is that I have not been able to stomach the thought of writing down every single thing that is happening. I just don't want to journal about the bad stuff. I can't handle it. Since I am spending a good portion of my energy editing my life in my own mind- turning around and writing it all down just negates all my work! One thing that I love about my blog is that for the last 11 days I have created the equivalent to a "positive thought journal" and I am happier for it. What a blessing it is to be able to sit back and reflect on the day and seek out something positive or poignant.

So I suppose in a way this makes me untruthful, but the editing is keeping me sane. It also reminds me that I would rather be focusing on what really matters: Ernie, the kids, Heavenly Father. And that you become what you think about... you become what you choose to fixate on. I am a compulsive self-analyzer [is that even a word???] and so I spend a good portion of my time trying to be my own therapist and figure out why I am motivated to say or do certain things; or why I have certain emotional reactions. I've decided that it's okay not to spill everything. My life is all about the edits.

Self-analysis January 2010
1. I am obsessed with personal responsibility
2. I would like to change the world for the better. My dream is to operate a "Blessings in a Backpack" type of charity.
3. I think that honesty (with no malintent) is ALWAYS the best policy. {no need to let unspoken feelings fester, causing an emotional outburst later}
4. Ernie is good at saying I'm sorry and that makes me better at saying I'm sorry
5. I have very high expectations for myself
6. Goals are my life-blood and the worst years of my life have been when I didn't have clear goals
7. I think managing expectations (my own and other people's) is vital for happiness
8. I am glad that I married a man who is NOT my opposite. We have the same meyers-briggs personality and it works very well for us.
9. I have struggled with feelings of inadequacy for most of my life. Recently I have been able to accept the Atonement better and frankly, it's a relief.
10. I wish I could parent more like Heavenly Father parents me. I also wish that I could love everyone the way that Jesus loves them.

I think 2010 will be a banner year for the Smith Team!

p.s. on days when I just can't edit out the bad stuff, I lay in bed and fantasize about running away. I'm almost always better in the morning.

True Love

Tonight Ernie and I took Emmaline to her first wedding reception. It was adorable, she totally knows the bride, but when we got up to the bride and groom in the receiving line, Emmaline was overwhelmed with shyness because the bride looked so fancy! Emmaline loved everything about the reception, especially the fact that she got to spend the time alone with both her parents. We ended up leaving the boys with a sitter, because I was right and Little Ernie does have strep throat. So Hannah- you were a beautiful bride and all our love and best wishes to you and Dalaney!

Anyhoo- so my quote for the day is this:

Ernie: (on the way to the reception) "Baby, I am so into you. If we weren't married I would totally be stalking you right now."

And that folks, is true love.

Herding Cats

I felt like I was herding cats at the doctor's office this morning. And I only had 3 of the kids with me, Little Ernie stayed home. Emmaline has been suffering from headaches for the last 2 months and today I finally took her to the doctor. So I will completely skip over the nightmare of the waiting room and take us directly to the exam room where 3 children were all fighting over who got to spin around on the doctors stool. When the doctor got to the room, good natured as he was (I will not fault him), he just kept making comments about how people with only one child cannot conceive of life with 3 or 4. As the doctor examined Emmaline he asked me questions about her, which Nigel consistently answered for me.

Doctor: "So, how is Emmaline doing with going to the bathroom- does she go regularly?"

Nigel: (speaking loudly to be heard over everyone else (and also speaking incredibly sincerely))- "She says it burns when she pees!"

Yep. It was one of those days at the doctor's office. Now Little Ernie's throat is hurting and my visual exam of his throat pretty much confirms that we'll be back at the doctor's tomorrrow.


My Little Princess

Motherhood and Chicken Stock

Today I took the leftover turkey bones from dinner last night and boiled them in a large stock pot, to make some delicious homemade stock for future use. While the pot was simmering and the liquid was reducing, I remembered when I first started making my own stock. That was a long time ago, when Ernie was 3 and Nigel was 1 and Emmaline still lived in my tummy and I was seriously overwhelmed by motherhood. Being a mom is not something I ever wanted to be, but I always knew that I would do it anyways. I was really surprised, after Little Ernie was born, to realize how much I liked him! So loving my kids has always been easy as pie, but being a good mom has taken some growing into. Since I'm trying to take the long view on life, and I'm also trying to consciously recognize weak things that Lord has helped to make strong, I started a mental list of things that I do better now as a mom than I did 6 years ago.

• I laugh with my kids more
• I've accepted and I am okay with moving at a slower pace
• I worry way less about other people's opinions regarding my life choices (aka parenting style, etc)
• I do not judge other parents when their children are misbehaving
• I feel much closer to Heavenly Father and feel way more dependent on Him regarding my calling as a mother
• I can see beyond the diapers now and I can better see the potential of each of my kids
• I have let go of some of the guilt

So this list made me think about my kids and what makes each one of them so special and how amazing it is to be their mom.

Ernie: He loves deeply and is intensely loyal. He is protective of his younger siblings and cannot bear to see other kids be left out. He is very spiritual and thinks a lot about what he hears in church and at home. He is also a great kid and other people, both kids and adults gravitate to him.

Nigel: He is my sweet and sensitive boy. However, he is also hilarious and super-smart! It's a good combination because his sense of humor is tempered by deep concern that no one has their feelings hurt. One thing I love about Nigel is what he wants to be when he grows up. His answer to this question has not changed in 4 years: He wants to be a Normal Dad. :)

Emmaline: She is my spit-fire and I love that girl. She's almost like an unstoppable force of nature and I've often thought that I don't want to squelch her spirit, but simply help her to channel it. She is incredibly affectionate and visibly blossoms when she is given words of affirmation. She is also, "a big fan of Jesus!" and I love that about her.

Max: He came into our family and literally felt like our family glue. I think that all of us felt unconsciously incomplete until he was born, and now we feel like we are all here. Max has a delightful sense of humor and I can already see that he is determined and smart.

Right now I wish I could have a do-over! I wish that I could go back and be the mother for Ernie that I am now for Max. Since I can't go back in time, it's still a comfort to me to think that at least I'm improving. I wouldn't be the person that I am today if it weren't for these 4 amazing people that have come into my life!

Friends Old and New

So Ernie and I have moved. A lot. As in 4 states in 10 years and along the way we've gathered some pretty darn good friends. One of the things that always amazes me is how the Lord brings people into our lives at just the right time. As we've moved from place to place, Ernie and I have perfected the "friendship stages" (at least as they apply to us). We're pretty out-going and extroverted, so depending on the person we can move through the stages pretty quickly but, usually here's the pattern.

1. Move to a new place
2. Meet the neighbors, who may or may not be pleased that 4 small children just moved in next door.
3. Go to church.
4. Realize that your only friend for the next few months will be Ernie.
5. Show up to EVERYTHING. From the primary activity to the Relief Society activity that you're not at all interested in, to the Elder's Quorum service project.
6. Accept every playdate and girl's night invite.
7. Always smile and pretend like you're happy, even if you're not. No one wants to be friends with a sad sack.
8. Gradually introduce people to your sense of humor and view of the world.
9.Know that the people who's faces all blend together will become some of your best friends in the world.
10. Feel gratitude for old friends. The ones who know everything already and who understand everything without needing an explanation.

Tonight was a mix of old and new friends. We had the Burtons (LOVE the Burtons!!) over for dinner, then the Nickens dropped by to join us for dessert, and then Lori Heflin Crossland and her husband Patrick and their 2 children came over. Lori was a dear friend of mine from high school and I haven't seen her in 10 years. It felt significant to me to be bookending my evening with wonderful new friends and cherished old ones. I don't have any pictures of my visit with Lori and I am so sad about that. But here are the Burtons at dinner with us and May and Ernie:


This is the Burton's daughter, Melody- she is in Ernie's seminary class


And here is Bob playing with Percy... Percy left him with a bloodied arm.

And I wanted to throw this one in for good measure- Max snuggling Ernie while I finished up before our dinner guests arrived.

Goodnight Moon

Today we had 9am church, which is the first time we have gone to church at 9am in 3 years. I thought that I would hate it, but you know what? I took a nap after church ( a LONG one) and woke up in plenty of time to finish up dinner (thank you May and Ernie for cooking the roast!), not mention the fact that Max got home from church and ate lunch, was pleasant and took a good nap himself. There might be something to this early church.

I'm not sure if people were just sleepy this morning, but church was much quieter than usual and it was wonderful to be able to actually hear the people bearing their testimonies. I could see Little Ernie listening and being attentive and I was so thankful for that. I taught the Relief Society lesson today on Scripture Study and listened as the sisters in the class shared wonderful thoughts. It was a great subject for me to prepare because, as usual, I think I learned more than I taught.

When I woke up from my nap this afternoon and came out to the living room, Max ran straight over to me and put "Goodnight Moon" in my hands. (Notice my totally awesome mismatched pajamas!)

Things I should be doing

1. Ironing clothes for church tomorrow, because tomorrow church starts at 9am. (I sadly say good-bye to 11 o'clock church.)
2. Clearing gun cleaning supplies off the table.
3. Setting the table.
4. Folding the clean clothes that are sitting in the dryer right now.

Instead, I am blogging quickly before the day gets away from me. Ernie, Ernie, Ernie, and Nigel (yes, the 3 separate Ernies' is correct) are over at the gravel pit shooting up cans and whatnot. Maytha is at the Post Office with Emmaline and I am listening to Max's kid show in an otherwise quiet house.

This visit is a good one and has gotten me thinking about families. Some thoughts on families:

• I think that adult family relationships can be complex, difficult things to figure out. Everyone has their feelings hurt about something.
• I think that the important thing is to try to focus on loving your family, even if liking them is difficult.
• I am grateful to have a mother-in-law that treats me like a daughter, not like an interloper in the family.
• I am scared to think that someday I will have 3 daughters-in-law and what if they don't like me?
• I like that the whole point of the Plan of Salvation is eternal families.

I also like that Uncle Larry once said that in heaven, he's pretty sure there will be a lot of therapy to help us process everything that happened in this life. What a nice thought:)

Laundry: My Nemesis

Anyone who knows me knows how much I detest laundry. Detest to the point that laundry at my house is constantly in crisis mode. As in, "Mom, tomorrow I won't have any more clean underwear!" or "Darling, I looked in the dryer for clean socks and also on the guest bed and I still can't find any, can you help me?" So, here's how this works. I gather up the clothes that I know need to be washed and then I wash them. Then (if I don't forget them in the washer and then need to re-wash them) I put them in the dryer. THEN, typically, the clothes just sit in the dryer, getting wrinkled while they wait to be pulled out as needed. (This is the key reason that Ernie bought me the LG Dryer with Steam Wrinkle Release). If I'm in a hurry or doing more than one load, all the clean clothes go from the dryer to the guest bed. I mean seriously, who needs folded clothes in a drawer when you could have a Treasure Hunt every morning! So my system works fine until someone comes to visit and actually needs to sleep in that bed. So that brings us to this morning and the impending arrival of Ernie's parents. I ran to Wal-Mart to grab some extra things and when I got home here's what I saw:

Ernie had rallied the troops and was clearing all the laundry out of the guest room so that May and Big Ernie would have a place to sleep tonight.

They folded laundry while I made chili to put in the crock pot for dinner tonight. I made a separate pot of Vegan chili for May and used my newly purchased small stock pot. I LOVE the color of this pot!

So I guess the moral of the story is that if I wait long enough, Ernie will take massive amounts of pity on me (and also his parents) and fold the laundry for me while letting me doing something I enjoy.